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I am currently trying to examine my morals to see if I can be OK with this arrangement. This is something he would never agree to. I had the opportunity recently to get sexual attention outside the relationship, and now I can see living a life with my partner while having a separate sex life that involves other people. But I love him, I treasure our history, and I would love for our families to merge. Why is our relationship sexless? He is possibly asexual, my attraction to him is limited, he roughhouses and I am afraid he will hurt me, and he is crap in bed when we do have sex. The two-year point seems to be when I become so incredibly soul-crushed by our sexless relationship that I have to end it. I have broken up with him repeatedly, each time after two years of being together, but we always end up back together. I am a straight woman who has been with my fiancé off and on for 12 years. You should get your wife's permission-maybe she'd be down with outsourcing oral duties she finds tiresome, maybe she'd like to have an adventure or two of her own-or you should knock it the fuck off. (Sorry, BJS, but unless you're using condoms during those blowjobs, they're not "safe.") If telling your wife about the blowjobs now would result in the end of your marriage, BJS, imagine the results if you have to tell your wife about the blowjobs after you've passed a sexually transmitted infection along to her.ģ. If you were to contract gonorrhea or syphilis from one of your male sex partners, BJS, you would almost certainly pass the infection on to your wife before you became symptomatic and got treated. I would be inclined to give you a pass if you were not having sex with your wife at all-or having sex with her once or twice a year, or if your wife announced she was asexual-but you and the wife are having quite a lot of sex.
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Yes, BJS, I'm afraid you do have to stop. But you probably don't want to describe yourself as "situationally homosexual," as that sounds pretty gay, so let's just go with "opportunistically heteroflexible," OK?Ģ. You're not locked in prison or stuck on a pirate ship or sweltering away in a shithole like Saudi Arabia, places characterized by "the prolonged absence of partners of the opposite sex." You're just a blowjob-deprived married man with access to the internet who figured out that accepting blowjobs from gay or bi men is cheaper than paying female sex workers to blow you and less entangling than entering into an affair with a woman. What you describe sounds like a mild case of "situational homosexuality," i.e., something that otherwise-straight men are sometimes forced to do "for gratification or release in a single-sex environment," as the sex-ed website SexInfoOnline puts it.
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I wouldn't call you gay or bi, BJS, seeing as you're concentrating on straight porn during those enthusiastic man-on-man blowjobs. I'm pretty sure if I found a woman interested in an affair or a FWB situation, it would be a much riskier emotional tightrope. Questions: (1) Does this make me gay, bi, or neither? (2) Do I have to stop? I have been careful to keep it pretty safe, and since I am not really attracted to or interested in these guys, it just serves to satisfy a "disproportionate sex drive" situation without the risk of any emotional cheating. I can't tell my wife about this, as it would end an otherwise good marriage.
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I am not turned on by men at all, but I do enjoy the enthusiastic BJs when combined with straight porn. I have done this a few times with different guys. I just watched some straight porn while he blew me. My only actual response admitted to being a man pretending to be a woman. I went on Craigslist to look at the "casual encounters" ads, and after months of just looking, I replied to some. We do have sex 4 to 10 times a month, but it is always plain vanilla. While my wife was barely GGG at the beginning, now she will not go down on me ever. But after many years, children, and just day-to-day reality, our sex life is now pretty unsatisfying. I've been mostly happily married for 15 years.